17-year old tells her new stepmother that she doesn't want to be her "daughter": 'She has a photo frame in her home office that says mommy's girl and there's a photo of me in it'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jan 11, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Adapting to massive changes in our lives is never easy—never. It's really not something you get used to or comfortable with in life; you just learn to deal with the stress and uncertainty more effectively and in healthier ways. Even when you know it's just around the corner, you'll find yourself grappling with the overwhelming sensations of new experiences. Without a blueprint of methodology prepared to default back to your brain, it is constantly searching to make sense of it all and engage with some normalcy.

Complexities of the new family dynamics can be burdensome, promising a whole new maze of complex relationships burgeoning with the new members. Emotional baggage from previous experiences or possible loss of loved ones only adds to the weight of the burden, making coping ever more difficult. This is before you account for mismatched expectations of the newly found family members—who might not even want to be family at all. 

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  • Regardless of how you might want something to go, you can't go around assigning labels to something just because you desire it—this for any relationship… romantic or otherwise. This teen found herself in a difficult situation when her father married again long after the tragic passing of her own mother. So close to adulthood, she didn't feel like she needed another mother in her life, finding her stepmother's repeated attempts to frame their relationship as such to be confronting.

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    PORTRAIT PANO
    via Jametlene Reskp

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my dad's new wife I don't want to be her daughter?

    My dad got remarried in June. It was just me (17f) and him for years after my mom did when I was 5. Then he met Cass 3 years ago and they started dating and fell crazy in love with each other. I met her and her sons (10, 8 and
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    7) 2 years ago. I get along fine with them but I'm not crazy about her. I didn't see her relationship with my dad as me getting another parent but as him getting a spouse for the future and stepsons.
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    When they were planning their wedding Cass really wanted me to be her maid of honor. I told my dad I really wanted to be his best person. He asked me if I'd prefer to stand with him over Cass and I said 100% yes. I told him he's my dad after all and I loved him. That this was all for him and not for Cass. He said he wanted me too but didn't want to stop Cass from having me as her maid of honor but since I was more comfortable standing with him he'd let her know. She tried to talk me around a bit
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    It was after the wedding things got weird. She had wanted me to pose for photos with her and her mom at the wedding, saying she wanted photos with her mom and her daughter and I made a face and said I wasn't okay with doing that since I'm not her daughter.
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    She seemed totally blindsided by the fact I didn't see myself as her daughter. A few days after the wedding she sat me down and told me she had been looking forward to having a daughter as the mom of only boys and how it really hurt when I said that at the wedding. Dad interrupted so the talk was dropped and I tried to avoid it.
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    But Cass bought us a matching mother/daughter costumes for a Halloween party she was attending, even when I already had a costume bought, and she has a photo frame in her home office that says mommy's girl and there's a photo of me in it. I find it so weird and I don't even love this woman or like her that much. I appreciate her for making my dad happy but I'm not looking for a mom.
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    Just before Christmas Cass told me I'm so distant and she really wants me to treat her like my mom. She said she wants me to he her daughter. I told her I don't want to be her daughter or for her to be my new mom. I told her she's married to my dad and she makes him happy so friends, maybe. But I'm not open up a new mom. She told me I was setting out to crush her dreams of having a daughter when I
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    didn't even give her a chance to be a good mom to me and she said that was so unfair when she's here doing everything she can to make us have a beautiful mother-daughter relationship. And she brought up how much it hurt her that I wasn't her maid of honor at the wedding. AITA?
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    Cheezburger Image 10452990208
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Responses in this thread sided with the teen, citing the fact that she doesn't need to “feel” anything for her stepmother that she doesn't want to.

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    Broad-Discipline... • 9h ago NTA Your dad's wife's fantasy is not your responsibility. She should be grateful that you are willing to be friends. Talk to your dad again. Cass needs to back tf off.
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    ConferenceLittle... . 8h ago. NTA. That "Mommy's Girl" photo frame with your picture in it is way too much. No woman should expect a teenager to treat her like a mom just because she married the dad. Cass is being overbearing and not respecting your boundaries. Your dad should be defending your feelings more and stepping in when she pushes this too far.
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    If it continues, definitely talk to a counselor to get advice on how to handle it. You're totally right to set these boundaries, and she needs. to back off. Sorry for the word, but Ewwww!
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    Accomplished_... . 9h ago. NTA she's kinda creepy. Tell her that she's dating your father, not you. The all mommy talk with a almost legal adult it's just creepy and not cute as she thinks.
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    Helpful-Antelop... 9h ago. NTA. Good on you for standing up for yourself to this crazy a woman
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    Dittoheadforever • 9h ago. You're NTA. Two of the most basic rules of stepparenting are: • never intrude upon or interfere with the parent/child relationship • never demand a parent/child relationship.
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    Your dad's wife needs to take a huge step back and quit trying to force herself into a role that she has not earned and is not welcome.
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    pennyb7 • 9h ago • NTA. Sounds like she married him more to gain a daughter than a husband. Set boundaries now and be glad you're about to be an adult so you can better shut this down. Get ready for it to ramp up if/when you marry/have kids. I suspect she will lay the "mother of the bride" and "grandma" status on thick including on wedding announcements.
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    GrrrYouBeast 9h ago • It's not your job to "fulfill her dreams" of having a daughter. She's pushing your boundaries and demanding a relationship with you that you don't want. Stand firm, and if she continues to push, you need. to talk to your dad in private and let him know you're not
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    comfortable with her demands. Honestly, she sounds crazy, and somewhat obsessed with you. I hope you have plans. to go away to college. I think you need to get away from her.
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    . Ok_Play2364 · 8h ago • Wow! Maybe she should have just tried getting to know you for the last couple of years instead of waiting. How is her boys and your dad's relationship?
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    s-nicolexo • 9h ago . NTA but you need to tell your dad about how uncomfortable this is making you, it seems he shuts it down when he sees/hears it but I definitely think a conversation with him is warranted at this point
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    Significant-Coat... • 9h ago • NTA, she is delulu. Go to college as far as you can. Grab all of your documents and put them in a safe place so she cannot try to stop you from leaving. Or she can't have acess to your applications and cancel those far away, or even try to adopt you.
    via Cool_Intention3906

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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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